


The days when...

by Erulinaz



Category: The Rook (TV 2019)
Genre: Fluff, Love Letters, Multi, Other, a lot of fluff tho, letters aesthetics, light angst time to time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 07:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20542721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erulinaz/pseuds/Erulinaz
Summary: A collection of letters written by Gestalt and Myfanwy about important days in their relationship.AU in which Myfanwy doesn't lose her memories.And don't forget to sign the petition for a season 2: https://www.change.org/p/therookstarz-season-2-for-the-rook/sign





	1. The day when I knew I needed you in my life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters about the day they realised they needed each others

**The day when I knew I needed you in my life**

Dear Myfanwy,

I have always been quite alone without you. The first time you smiled at Eliza – at me –, I thought I discovered a new solar star in the sky. You were scared, but not of me. You were alone and I was lonely too. We were two injured souls, but we learnt to take care of each other. You were my friend. You are still my friend and I hope you will never stop being close to me.

You have always been so different than the other kids at Glengrove. You were kind and compassionate. Even when you learned who I truly was, you didn’t reject me, you even told me that I was incredible, amazing, beautiful. You made me cry. But it was tears of joy, relief, love. You made me happy. That is the only truth you need to keep in mind if you have to chose one truth to never forget.

But I never understood how much I needed you in my life – how much I still need you in my life – until that day. Just thinking about it makes me feel warm inside my chests, and a little giddy.

We were at Glengrove, on a bench, chatting about all the things we wanted to do once adults, once far away from this place, but things we wanted to do together, because we couldn’t imagine our lives without each other. And it was nice to believe we would never experienced isolation any more. We were laughing like crazy. We were innocently happy. I wanted time to stop, I wanted to be here, with you, forever.

Then, they came. This group of kids who hated us, probably because they couldn’t grasp our concept. We were so strange for them, so weird, so unlovable. We always thought they were right, so we stopped, a long time ago, defending ourselves. What was the point, really? We knew the way teachers, doctors and therapists were looking at us, disgusted, confused, sometimes even scared. We also knew how relieved our parents were to get rid of us. To get rid of their monsters. We learnt to accept it, without protesting. Compartmentalizing was tiring enough, we couldn’t fight also for ourselves. So, when the kids came to see us, the mouth full of insults and hatred, ours stayed close. We were even feeling ashamed, because you were here, because they were ruining a happy moment with you and that we didn’t even have the strength to tell them to shut the fuck up. We were just staring at them, waiting for them to leave us alone. They always did, eventually, when they grow tired of our silence and of their cruel game.

But, you, Myfanwy, you refused to watch this pathetic scene of our ridiculous existence without doing anything.

Suddenly, you stood up, and for the first time I saw you yelling. You were so angry, you were shaking. You pushed them on the ground with your EVA. You told them to shut up, that the only monsters here were them, that they should respect us because I was going to become the finest agent of the Checquy, that one day they would have to obey to my orders, that I was so much more than them, that they should be ashamed of their actions, that they were pathetic bullies and nothing more. The anger washed away from them, replaced by fear and shame. They averted their gaze away from us, unable to speak.

When you finally stopped, they didn’t wait for you to beat the shit out of them, they ran away from us, like if your words were burning them. It might be the case, though, now that I think about it.

You breathed heavily after it, your hands still in a tight fist, your knuckled bones white. You took a deep breath and looked at us. You were so proud of yourself.

And I was so proud of you. I was so grateful. I was so thrilled.

You are the first and only person who defended me. I have no word to tell you how you changed my life. Actually, I already had no word when it happened. I was speechless, watching you, as if you were a godsend. You made my life brighter. You always did and you still do, every time I catch the way you look at me.

The day passed like a dream, I don’t remember much of the rest of this afternoon, neither of the evening. I just can tell that all my thoughts were focused on my affection for you and on the fact that you felt this same affection for me. It was unbelievable, and yet it was the only truth that mattered. When we went to bed, I wait for everyone to be asleep, and, through Eliza’s body, I got up and joined you in your little bed. You gave me space and I wrapped my arms around you. You took my hand, kissed it and we both fell asleep, content and bathed in each other warmth.

I promised myself to never let you go because I knew for sure that I needed you in my life. And I still need you.

With all my love,

Gestalt

xxx

Dear Gestalt,

I owed you my happiness at Glengrove.

Without you there, I wouldn’t have survived. You were my best friend, and I hope I will spend the rest of my life by your side. At this moment of my existence, I didn’t realise I needed you in my life like you need oxygen. And I have never been so wrong. I know it now, and I promise to never forget it. Never. Because I need you, more than anything or anyone else. I can’t live without you.

You have always made me feel safe and cherished. I don’t know what you have seen in me the day Eliza gave me a big and bright greeting smile. You lied to me about who you were, but I understand. You were not used to have someone to accept you the way you are. You are still not used, and it is breaking my heart every time I think about it. You deserve so much better, Gestalt. Yes, you honestly deserve the world. You are smart, kind, protective – sometimes overprotective with the person you love – beautiful, amazing. You are a fucking godsend and I am so happy to have you in my life, still today.

I know, during a time, I choose Bristol over you. Don’t groan or roll your eyes at me. I know that just his name can upset you. And I am sorry. I did a mistake, the biggest of all my life. And I will never forgive myself for it. I should have chosen you, but I was scared of my feelings for you. Your love for me was so plain and huge, I wasn’t sure to deserve it. I am still not sure, but I would be an idiot to refuse it. I did the mistake once and I ended burning Glengrove to the ground, I won’t repeat that with the Checquy.

You gave me a second chance. You saved me. You still love me.

I knew I needed you in my life after Glengrove, after Bristol. Because you were here, with me. I was laying on the bed, almost dead from the pain and the guilt, but you never let go of my hand. You never left my side. When Linda took me away from you, I thought it would be the last time we would see each other, and it was killing me that I didn’t have the strength to hug you one last time, to tell how amazing you were. When I left, when you were out of my vision field, I was tore apart. You were missing from me.

One day, I was still laying on a bed, unable to move, to speak, to get up, I felt something changing in the air.

I felt better, I felt light.

I didn’t understand why. It was like if someone took some of my guilt away. And I knew it could only come from you, because you were my only friend, the only person who weren’t blaming me. Linda was watching me with guilt and pity when you were looking at me with concern and love. I learnt later what you did to Bristol, for me. We never talked about it. I never thanked you for it. So, I am doing it in this letter: thank you, Gestalt. Thank you for having done it. When he started feeling pain, being sorry for what happened, I felt less guilty. I wasn’t only my fault, after all.

You were the first word I pronounce after this. Gestalt, you are my rebirth, my anchor, my heaven. Without you, I wouldn’t be here. When you are with me, I don’t feel the need to hurt myself, like if your love for me is scaring away all my old demons. They can’t stand your light, they can’t stand your strength, they can’t stand the warmth that blossoms inside my chest every time you are in the same room than me. I needed you in my past life and I will never stop needing you by my side.

I don’t know if this life is worth it, is worth all the pain, but just for you, I stay. You are worth all the efforts.

You are my strength.

Yours,

Myfanwy,

xxx


	2. The day when I knew I was in love with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters about them accepting their feelings for each others

**The day when I knew I loved you**

Dear Myfanwy,

You have been my best friend for so long by now. And I can’t thank you enough for this. I don’t know what I would have become without you.

I wasn’t sure of my feelings for you, at first. I knew I needed you. I knew you were important to me. I knew I was able to do anything for you. I will still do anything for you. And you know it. I have always been by your side and it won’t change. Never.

But I couldn’t put a word on my feelings for you. I was confused. I was overthinking – having four brains really doesn’t help sometimes –. I tried to understand why my heart was beating faster in your presence, why your touches were sending butterflies into my stomach, why I was feeling red hot jealousy burning my throat when I was seeing you with _him_. I probably knew that I was in love with you, but I couldn’t admit it to myself.

You were everything I ever wanted. Now, you are everything I love.

Yes, I finally understood it.

I needed time to admit it. And now I can scream it to the world. You are my world. I love you, Myfanwy Thomas.

I knew it this day you hugged me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in love with you.

I don’t even know if you remembered that day. We were on the parking lot at the Checquy. We were both about to come home after a long and bad day. I was tired, my four bodies hadn’t stop running everywhere all day, and yet it hadn’t been enough. I lost track of an EVA, Linda and Conrad were disappointed in me. And worst, I was disappointed in myself. I felt like a failure, to be honest. It is a rare feeling for me, but a cruel one too.

You saw it.

And you hugged Teddy. Then Eliza. Then Alex. Then Robert. You hugged all of me. And I felt better.

I didn’t just feel better, I knew.

“I love her” was all I could think all night.

As it wasn’t enough, you asked me if I wanted to go eat at your place, to sleepover, to help me feel better after this fucking day.

And all I could think was that I loved you.

We spent the evening together and I was amazed by my feelings for you, by the emotions you were creating inside of me. You power over me was so strong. It is still the case, my love.

That is crazy I needed so much time to understand all of this. I can’t explain why the way you acted that night, yet so casual, so mundane, so natural, touched me to the core. It opened my eyes on my feelings for you.

And every time I was seeing you, I thought about it.

You were blind to it, like I used to be. Ingrid came to me several times. Before I understood my feelings for you, I was confused: why was she asking me “Gestalt, when are you going to take Myfanwy to a date?” ?. However after this epiphany, I was fluttered and embarrassed when she questioned me on my next move. I can’t remember all the time she rolled her eyes at me, exasperated by my behaviour.

One day I found the courage to ask you out and the way you smiled at me, just before saying yes to me, made me fall even harder in love with you, if it is possible.

I told you only few months later that I loved you, but the truth is, I have always been in love with you, and my love for you will last forever.

Your best friend and lover,

Gestalt

xxx

Dear Gestalt,

When we started dating, I wasn’t sure I was in love with you. Bristol’s memory was so vivid in my nightmares, in my head, in my heart. I was scared of what I could do to you. What if I hurt you? What if I burnt your place to the ground like I did with Glengrove? I wouldn’t forgive myself if anything happen to you because of me. That was why I wasn’t sure if starting something with you was a good idea, even if I wanted it as badly as you.

But how could I say no to you when you were looking at me like that, like if I was the most beautiful person of the world? No one looked at me that way. No one made me feel special like you do. Your presence is a sweet drug, and after one date with you, I couldn’t stop myself to hope for another one, and another and another one. I just wanted to spend all my free time with you.

It was not my fault if I quickly became dependent of this moment with you: our dates were perfect every time. It was like before, when we were eating as friends, but this time you were flirting with me. Sometimes, poorly – especially when I was with Teddy – but you made me laugh, and I was truly happy and carefree. I had so much fun with you. I felt light and content. I felt truly myself by your side, I didn’t need to pretend being someone I wasn’t. It was easy to say “yes I went on a date with Gestalt and yes it was great.” to Ingrid, especially when she was giving me this little smirk, her eyes shining as if they were saying “Finally!”; it was easy to tell her this because it was the truth. I went to sleep with a big smile on my face, I even stopped hurting myself after a night spent with you.

The way you kissed my scars were driving me insane. We never had sex, we always made love. I can’t understand, still today, how someone like you, so perfect, so gentle, could accept every part of me, even the darkest? You taught me how to accept myself, you know. You did things for me, no one ever even tried to do for me. I knew you loved me.

And I was too scared to reply, to tell you that my heart was yours.

Until that day; the first time I told you I loved you I was in tears. It was tears of joy and relief.

It was a Friday. I know it because we were supposed to go eat at a fancy restaurant you wanted to try. I was working in my office when Ingrid got a phone call. She send me a worried glance and I understood something happened. She came to see me, and told me that your four bodies were at the hospital wing of the Checquy. You got attacked. You were alive but unconscious. I was so scared.

I left my paperwork and my office without a second thought. I ran to you. You were all laying on different bed, next to each others. This vision killed me, this was my biggest fear.

This is my biggest fear.

I stayed there, waiting for you to wake up. I don’t remember the details of the attack, I don’t remember what the doctors told me, I don’t remember anything. Everything is a massive blur in my head. Just this image of you, unconscious on hospital bed, is clear in my mind. The moment you came back to reality too. I cried a lot and when you told me you were fine, you just needed a little rest, and I replied I was coming with you at your place to take care of you. You were embarrassed, you didn’t want me to feel obliged to anything. I blurted out I loved you.

You just smiled. A huge and bright happy smile.

And since that day, I want to see this smile on your four faces the most often I can. So I just keep saying that I love you and it works every time.

I love you.

Your beloved girlfriend,

Myfanwy,

xxx


End file.
